Girlfriends of Culture

How to Get Over Your Past The Right Way

By: Kisha Smiley – Held In High Esteem

Dwelling on the past is an unhealthy behavior yet we all do it. Walking around with guilt, fear, regret and shame is detrimental to your wellbeing mentally and emotionally. The burden it brings is heavy and hard to get rid of.

When reality sets in and complications arise it’s easy to feel like your mistakes have latched themselves onto your life in an everlasting way. Mistakes are definitely going to happen because that’s just the way of life. Mistakes are how we learn and have the opportunity to experience new things. Having the ability to recognize when you’re in the wrong is important. Although It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong, you need to be able to recognize how to make your wrongs right. You need to recognize how to move on from them as well. Don’t allow that dark cloud to linger over your life everywhere you go. Don’t allow doubt, pity, and negativity to latch onto you.

Take the experience of your past and the lessons it comes with as you strive towards better days. Switch your vision from the past to the present. Here are five feelings you need to shake in order to let go and move on.

​1. ​Regret. We’ve all experienced regret one way or another. In moments of feeling angry, disappointed, emotional, or untouchable we’ve made decisions that weren’t the best. We acted on impulse and instant gratification instead of thinking things through all the way. Only when those feelings fade do we realize the situation could’ve been handled differently, or that we should’ve done the opposite of what we actually did. Take time to think first before you act.

​2. ​Fear. Sometimes fear can be so subtle that you hardly notice it in your mannerisms and actions. When it comes to something serious and emotional, most fear being vulnerable. They fear being hurt, or the unexpected of what’s to come. There’s also a fear of dealing with your emotions because it seems too painful to do. Remember fear should never guide your steps.

​3. ​Shame. Shame can destroy you when not placed into perspective. Shame arises when you focus solely on the bad side of things. Instead, try focusing on what you can do better next time, or how you can make things right.

​4. Not forgiving yourself or others. Whether you need to forgive yourself or others, being able to do so will give you a sense of peace and relief that is indescribable. Sometimes you have to forgive without receiving an apology. Forgive to heal yourself. Forgive so you can move on and release that stronghold.

​5. ​Pretending. While it’s great to wear a smile until things get better, you still need time to process how you’re really feeling on the inside. Pretending that it never happened will not erase the memories of what actually did. Although it’s easy to bury unwanted feelings, it’s not always the best thing to do. In the end you’ll explode from the build up if you don’t resolve your issues as they come.

As you go throughout your day, ask yourself:

“What’s holding me back”?

“How will life look once I’m able to move on”?

“Who do I need to forgive and how will I do it”

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