Girlfriends of Culture

Commitment Before Marriage : Why I was happy I had My Daughter Before I had a Wedding


Parenting isn’t something that comes easy. You have to make a conscious effort to be the type of parent/person you desire to be. It’s a daily exercise of patience, love, balance and creativity. There are days when everything just seems to run smoothly and others when it all seems to go left. I didn’t become the type of parent I am by simply saying I wanted to be a good mother. I consciously created the type of household I live in. Not only that, I consciously create the type of person I want to be on a daily basis.

There are so many stigmas on parenting and relationships that it often clouds honest relationship building. I made an IG post about how I was happy that I had my daughter at my wedding and also that I had her before I got married. I can see how that could leave some people slightly confused especially people that live their lives based on religious or generational expectations. I have never lived my life that way, but I am fully capable of understanding different views. I wanted to clarify my point because I don’t want any young girls or boys to think I’m promoting having babies without serious commitment and readiness.

My point is that for me, having a baby is a bigger commitment than marriage.  Realistically, you can marry whomever you want, divorce that person and move on with your life. However you cannot have a baby with whoever you want and just get rid of the other person when you get tired of them or their ways. You are forever bound to each other through that child and that is a very serious lifelong decision. Commitment in any relationship should come before you ever decide to procreate or legalize your union. It is something that a person displays to you through their actions and not their words. It is something that creates comfort and peace in your home; not destruction and chaos.  You will not have to question, analyze or decide if someone is truly committed to building with you, you will know.


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