By : Alexandria Traylor
Have you ever experienced a time where it seems like you are in constant disagreement with everyone, everywhere? There was a period a few months ago that I felt beyond unbalanced! I was unfortunately at odds with so many people who were a part of my equilibrium. I was upset with my family, my cousin, and my sister-friends. On top of that, I was having a rough couple of days at work. My actual soul was so off. I was so overwhelmed with feelings ranging from frustration to anger and sadness. Something super insignificant would have been the lighter to the fuse. I wanted to shut down, revert to my old habits, and ultimately retract from all of the growth that I made over the past year. I was all of three seconds from shutting off my feelings and adopting an IDGAF attitude. There was too much pressure from too many angles. Deep down, I felt like there was something wrong with me. What wasn’t I doing right?! Am I really that crappy of a person?! I was dealing with these emotions like they were an external problem when it was truly and internal issue. Putting my emotions aside was difficult. It ultimately boiled down to pride. When you feel stuck in a valley the best thing to do is not subconsciously stay there. In order to regain my focus and find even better footing than before, I had to find ways to reproof, reconstruct and reconcile.
It is perfectly okay to let others know when you feel that you have been wronged in some way. We are all human, which means no one can read your mind. I was afraid of offending the other person by not speaking how I truly felt, until ish almost hit the fan. The other person’s response to your reproof depends on your respectful approach. Being tact is a major key. Tactfulness did not, and still doesn’t, come easy for me. I struggle to choose my words wisely to get my point across while not watering down exactly how I feel. Emotions can be one of the most difficult things to communicate because of their intangible nature. Make it a point to talk out the situation, instead of assimilating biased assumptions. Shed light onto the situation. Even when you don’t want to, clear the air.
I had to learn to how to adapt a plan to move forward. Previously after a disagreement, when the apologies were said the conversation was over. You must make a conscious effort to stop in the moment and immediately deter your mind from self-limiting habits. I told my best baes to stop me in my tracks if I do something offensive and let me know the exact offense so we can reconcile it then. This would help me to become aware of my not so attractive habits. Stopping on my own isn’t easy. I need the help of others to rebuild and maintain the connections that are dearest to me. Make a choice to have a conversation with those you care about to pick out growth stifling habits and compromise on ways that you both can do better.
After your differences have been aired out, don’t bring up past situations. Only focus on the topic at hand. If you’re anything like me, when a person talks about where you have went wrong you feel like they are literally going in on you. You feel like everything that makes you, you is being scrutinized. Believe in the magnitude of an apology. Speak aloud where you felt that things went wrong. Make it clear to the other person that you were incorrect. At times the best apology is when you take responsibility for your offending actions even if you didn’t mean to offend. Fight to forgive within your own heart. Know that forgiveness is not for the other person. It is directly for your peace of mind. Forgive genuinely from the heart.