Life can be unpredictable for many, and for this reason, we tend to change over time more than we could imagine. It’s natural to do this, because as life shapes us, we learn more, we gain experience, and we move into the future with this wisdom hopefully leading us in a better direction.
When you find that things have stabilized and you feel like a better, healthier, more interested version of you, especially compared to the person you used to be, it can be tempting to look to the past and to see what you can do to resolve some of the issues you left undone.
For some, this can give them the closure they need to move into the future. For others, giving themselves the permission to let go is the most important element here. No matter who you are, it’s not hard to see why people feel conflicted about this approach, and if they should even begin it or not.
In this post, we’ll discuss a few means of thinking through your options here. Without further ado, please consider:
Be Specific About Your Intentions
It’s very easy to think that we wish to go back and heal the past just because we’re stronger and in a more stable position now, but that can be like trying to help out charity as a general approach without knowing which focus we hope to support, where we’re going to donate, how we’re going to fundraise, and what cause we even believe in.
What, specifically, do you wish to heal? Could it be that you wish to go back and attend to the property of your parents, which since their passing has been unattended to and uncared for by your other family members? Carefully selling off or dividing possessions, agreeing with those who co-inherited the space about its sale, and using this as a chance to speak to your closer family again might be worthwhile. Or, perhaps you just wish to use the inmate lookup to find an old friend and reconnect. Perhaps you wish to connect with a child you haven’t spoken to in some time, totally understanding that it may take time for them to warm to the idea.
Regardless, being specific about your approach can frame your intentions with clarity and care.
Know When To Let Things Go
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to accept the past didn’t turn out exactly how you may have liked it to, and to let it go. A poor past doesn’t mean you have to repeat the same mistake in the future.
As long as we learn from an issue, we can use a past event, however tough, to inspire a better direction for our future. By doing that, we are able to redeem that experience without necessarily going back and forcing it to change. This can be a mature way to think about resolutions, especially as it relates to people. We cannot simply require them to change their outlook just because we’re ready for it.
Don’t Try And Force It
That latter point feeds into an essential perspective to consider, don’t try and force healing. When we break a bone, we have to properly set the bone and let it heal on its own, feeding it correctly, inspecting it appropriately, and making sure we give it the time it requires. Depending on the injury, it might not heal absolutely perfectly, but a great heal is acceptable enough with the right care.
The same goes for our past. Understand that others are on their own journey, and they may not hold certain outcomes with the same import that you do. This is okay to accept. It might be that developing a relatively healthy friendship with an ex-partner for the sake of your children takes years. So, years it will take. It’s the willingness to keep showing up with care that counts.
Take It Step By Step
Take the process step by step if you can. One foot in front of the other. Let’s say you’re reconnecting your sister, and you haven’t spoken in some time. It’s not that you’re going to forgive one another, start laughing and joking and talk as if nothing had happened the moment you reach out.
It might be that a letter here, a Christmas card there, offering support where you can, and waiting for this to be reciprocated can help a relationship develop in its own time. Step by step, day by day, you’ll be on the right track. 1% improvements, consistently made, can lead to staggering results.
With this advice, we believe you’ll be able to heal the past or your perspective of it with care and attention.
