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[Girlfriends of Culture] The Things I Learned from My Ex-Boyfriend & Having an Open Heart

Author : Alexandria Traylor 

Coming out of a three year situationship honestly sucked. As confused as I was, I was extremely resentful of that other person and vowed to never experience that type of heartache and disappointment again. In order to grow through the disappointment, I realized that I truly had to let go and woman up. Firstly, I created a standard for my next intimate relationship.

From the way he loved me, I was able to take what I liked and use that as a platform. If he doesn’t treat me a certain way or better, then I don’t want it. Intellectual conversations, slow dances, a lust for Christ and day time dates are a must. From the way we argued, I was able to pluck out the things that I didn’t like.

Patient listening, compromise, and timely apologies are now on my make or break list. Now that I know what it feels like to be honored, I have no choice to be treated like a queen. Secondly from our mutual love for God, I was able to see clearly what it looked like to date with a purpose. I was able to recognize what it really meant to be genuinely pursued by a man that had my best interest in mind at all times.  I learned that conversations should be focused, goal oriented, and very intentional.

There should be the possibility of an end goal in mind, marriage. I learned the true value of a supportive companionship. My next connection would be considered a worthy partnership instead of a weaning plaything. Finally, I learned a valuable lesson about true forgiveness. While I was angry and felt abused, the other person was growing through life. The key to resolving my anger was to forgive. Forgiving is arguably the most important part of the healing process.

Through forgiveness I was creating a freedom for the future. I was able to give myself permission to love again while not holding his mistakes over the next man’s head. I learned a lot and was able to reward myself by remaining to keep my heart open for future gifts of commitment.

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